Resourcing the Revolution

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The Rebel Yogi Origin Story – Part 2

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This post has been a while in the making. It’s not a particularly difficult subject, but it falls into the “really damn important” category, and that has caused my perfectionist meter to spike. Now, sitting in the Portland airport, with just over an hour until my flight leaves, and just over one day until my journey at the Ashram begins, it’s time to “git ‘er done”.

Much of the past ten years has involved a personal evolution of sorts; I grew up surrounded by nature and was raised with a consciousness of the importance of protecting our little blue marble, but had never really been invested in the process. It wasn’t until the past five years or so that I started taking an active part in this process. It started small, with community organizing for a group called 350, taking part in the planning process for a few days of climate action.

Then, in August of 2011, I laid it all on the line. Literally. (If you’re being picky, I was sitting, not laying… but I digress.) I heard the call from some of the nation’s top scientists, and I headed up to DC to participate in a massive two week long civil disobedience. Those of you who know me well probably know the story, but here it is again for the uninitiated:

On August 20, 2011, I was arrested for civil disobedience, and proceeded to spend the next 3 days in jail. That linked post goes into the details, so I won’t talk too much more about it here.

That summer was a life changer. I went from armchair activist, signing e-petitions and not much else, to full out environmental activist. I was entrenched in the fight, had skin in the game, and was ready to take on the world. I had received the call loud and clear, and I knew that one of the reasons that I had been put on this earth was to save it.

Fast forward a few years, add in more rallies and actions (but no more arrests), a selection to a national leadership team for a climate organization and a national leader training for another, an Executive Director position for an environmental nonprofit, and plenty of stress around the immediacy of the things we were fighting for. Time was slipping away, and we just kept throwing ourselves harder and deeper into the fray.

By the time I moved out to Portland last year, I was ready for a change. It wasn’t that I didn’t care anymore; I was just tired. I had been toeing the line of burnout off and on for a while, and the move across the country provided me with the opportunity to regroup and decide exactly where my priorities would lie moving forward.

So, you know how when you’ve been pushing yourself for a long time and you finally take the time to stop – and your body relaxes, only to get plowed by the pent-up stress that has been following one step behind you? Yeah. That happened. If you haven’t read the first post in this series, a lot of what happened gets explained there.

It was a wakeup call, a priority revealer, whatever you want to call it. I couldn’t keep doing things the way that I had been doing them, or I was going to burn myself out to the point of no return. I’ve watched it happen to colleagues, and it’s not pretty.

Don’t get me wrong: I still have that burning desire to save the world. I just know now that I can’t go about it the way that I was. In fact, I think there’s a better way for all of us to approach our world changing work. It took a giant slap in the face from the universe for me to see it, but it’s getting clearer with every passing day.

That’s what Rebel Yogi means to me: the opportunity to have massive, world changing impact while remaining whole and balanced. Just imagine it – a world where making a difference can also mean a better life for those creating the change.

Let that sink in a minute. Bask in the idea. It’s possible – now it’s time for us to step up to the challenge and start to live it.

My flight starts boarding in 15 minutes, so I’m signing off for now. I’ll be posting weekly from the Ashram, and posting up a few more Changemaker Q&As along the way.

Stick around. It’s going to be an amazing journey!

—

Michael Margolis wrote a post recently about origin stories that provided the inspiration for this series of posts. This is part 2. Also: part 1 and part 3.

The Rebel Yogi Origin Story – Part 1

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“In the event of an emergency, secure your own mask before assisting others.”

If you’ve ever been on board an airplane, you’ve heard the spiel before. It’s standard to the safety speech, but have you ever really taken the time to think about what they’re talking about, or realized how right they are? If the plane is crashing and the cabin depressurizes, you can’t do a single thing to help your fellow passengers if you’re suffocating from lack of oxygen.

Maybe the example is a bit dramatic, but it paints a very vivid picture. So why do we think that the same thing doesn’t apply in real life? Why, when it comes to our lives, do we think we can ignore the safety speech?

For most of my life, I’ve been an overachiever, an entrepreneurial spirit, and I thought that I could burn the candle at both ends without consequences. Anything that I put my mind to, I accomplished; I held the mantra “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” close to heart. Burning brightly, I threw 110% of myself into my passions, and I fought fiercely for the things that I believed in.

I ignored the safety speech for way too long, and it could have cost me everything.

In fact, I ignored it until the day I got the call from the doctor’s office. That sentence that you don’t really want to hear from anyone, much less your doctor – “we need to see you tomorrow” – when the doctor skips lunch so that they can fit in your appointment. That moment where routine yearly blood work turns up a chronic genetic condition that changes everything.

(A quick side note to my insurance company, if you’re sneaking around reading my blog posts – this doesn’t mean you should jack up my insurance premium. In fact, you should lower it. The diagnosis just means that I’m going to be a lot healthier moving forward than I would have been before I had my full health picture. K, thanks. Now, back to regularly scheduled programming.)

There were a couple of paths that my brain went down after this phone call, full speed with no brakes. The worst-case scenarios, you know the ones… they took over for a while. Then, the second thing that happened is that my priorities became crystal clear. Family, and the fact that my parents were an entire continent away.

My business coach has been using free writing as a tool for me to gain clarity around my purpose, and I’m going to share some of the thoughts that came out of the writing session that took place the week after said doctor’s appointment:

The thought pattern of how to find a peaceful balance – how do I move forward from here? How do I create a meaningful, powerful and revolutionary life in a balanced, peaceful way? How do I save myself as I try to (and still want to) save the world?

I find that I am back to the discomfort surrounding “I don’t know” because now I truly do not know how I am moving forward. I know that the prime directive is self-care and taking care of my family. Beyond that, the great unknown lingers.

In some ways, I experienced a great wave of relief – here was a bright, flashing sign to slow down, to reevaluate. This wasn’t me giving up or chickening out – this was my body, my doctor, saying “stop”.  No more high stress situations, more yoga and meditation. More healthy eating and lots of work on system balancing.

In all my talk of broken systems, it comes down that my body is the broken system that I need to work with first. Do your own work – in the most head-smackingly personal and direct way possible.

Even with the knowledge of what my diagnosis could mean, I have felt strangely calm since last week. Maybe I’m still in shock, or maybe I have a deep realization that freaking out about what is going on will do absolutely nothing positive, and has the potential to cause some real harm.

Whatever the reason, I am thankful for my ability to transcend the mess and put one foot in front of the other. For now, that means following my doctor’s orders, and starting to evaluate what goes and what can stay.

I feel like I already shed so much in coming here to Portland, but perhaps the things that I shed were just skin-deep – maybe now it is time to dig down to the roots and find my spiritual, structural detoxification.

From these roots, Rebel Yogi began to really take shape. For most of my world changing life, I had come at the problems facing our world from the stance of an activist: fighting. I tried to frame it as what we were “fighting for” as opposed to what we were “fighting against” to keep things positive, but it was still fighting.

One of the literal definitions of the word fight means “to oppose action”, another means “to move forward with difficulty”. We’re not exactly setting ourselves up for success if we think about it that way.

So why do we spend so much time mired in the fight, throwing ourselves valiantly into the flames? Faced with the knowledge that I could not continue to approach life in such a way, I was forced to stop and look for a different way of doing things. I had no other choice.

I don’t have all the answers, and that’s what Rebel Yogi is about – walking this path together, figuring it out as we go. I’m sure we’ll stumble and make some mistakes along the way, but if we’re going about things with the right motivation – caring for ourselves and finding that place of balance before reaching out into the world – securing our own masks before assisting others – I know that we can change the world for the better.

—

For more of the story, here’s part 2 and part 3!

If you’re here from the Boost Blog Traffic SBO Best Posts of 2014 list, thanks so much for reading! Be sure to sign up for the email list so you can get your free yoga nidra session!

Michael Margolis wrote a post about origin stories that provided the inspiration for this week’s post. 

Lost (and adrift in a sea of possibility)

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lost_640It’s been about a week and a half since I arrived back on the east coast, and I have some confessions to make.

Being at WDS was such an intense, joyful and fast-paced experience that when I got home, I suffered from a bit of a crash. And when I say “a bit” I mean that I pretty much fell apart for a while. I lost the motivation to do much of anything – everything back home felt washed out, devoid of the crackle of energy and adventure that had pervaded my previous two weeks. I imagine it’s why adrenaline junkies keep going out and doing intensely crazy things; once you experience the high, the rest of life kind of pales in comparison.

I came back to dead plants, unpaid bills, searing temperatures, a mountain of unread email… looking at the relative monotony of everyday life, all I wanted to do was curl up under the covers and cry. Why couldn’t the rest of the world be as phenomenal as those few days? During that crash, I lost my appreciation for those things I have been cultivating so carefully over the past couple of years. I forgot about my accomplishments, I couldn’t see the future in the projects I had in the works – I was wrecked.

From hearing the stories of other folks who were out in Portland this year, I get the impression I wasn’t alone. There were lots of great stories from the people who had taken the momentum gained during that weekend and flown out of the gate, grasping life by the reins and bending it to their perfectly planned will. And then, there were the rest of us. We ranged from those who were so inspired by the weekend and the people, but had literally not a clue on which direction they were headed next, to those who had been on paths, but had been momentarily sucked into rough seas, spun about and spit back out, left unsure of what came next (or if the current path was actually the right one).

Last year, I moved to Asheville, NC not long after WDS. This wasn’t some grand plan spun during a moment of inspiration at the conference – I had been planning the move since the spring. I think the enormity of that move was enough to give me something to focus on when I got back; it felt like I had a definite direction. I didn’t have a real plan, per se, just the idea that I needed to give myself the opportunity for a fresh start, a leaping off point for the adventures that lay ahead.

This year, I specifically didn’t have many plans past the conference, because I figured that I would come out of the weekend with some new spark, potentially some new direction.

So here I was, a year later, adrift in the sea of possibilities that lay ahead. And, instead of being super excited about this life I have created – the business that I have been running for just over two years, the local and national organizations I’m involved with, the amazing friends and family who love and support me, the fuzzy dog who was so excited to see me when I got back – I crashed. Hard.

I won’t go into the gory details about how I pulled myself out of my funk, but let’s just say that it involved copious amounts of tissue and a few of the special people in my life. (Moving on…)

To the other people who feel similarly adrift after WDS, I can only say that you are not alone. I don’t know the answer to how we each find our ideal path, but I imagine that it will be different for each of us. I have come to realize that it’s not about the knowing – certainty is nice and all, but I think that it’s the journey of discovery that ends up being the important part of our lives.

So much of my life over the past several years has been about learning and growing, living passionately, and figuring it out along the way. I may never be completely comfortable with not having the complete picture, but I do know that being able to see every day of the rest of my life is NOT what I’m interested in. I’m learning to love the adventure. So, for now, I’m settling back into the everyday. My dreams are still as big as ever, and I’m figuring out how to make them come true, one day at a time. I hope that you are doing the same.

Spring Has Sprung! (and boy, am I happy)

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spring_640Welcome to the first official day of spring, 2012.

With weather in the upper 70s for most of the past several weeks, it feels odd that the equinox didn’t happen much earlier.

It was weeks ago that I heard the first peepers, and the daffodils are reaching the end of their blooming season (crocuses disappeared last week).

Having spent months in the dull grays and browns of deep winter, my eyes aren’t quite sure what to do with themselves. The riot of color that has exploded outside my door is almost too much to bear for those winter-weary orbs. The bright yellows and lush early greens are so intense that they almost hurt.

That being said, and you may be the same way, when the weather turns this beautiful I find it incredibly difficult to sit inside and work. My spirit wants to be in the sunshine, laying in the grass and taking in the warm, damp smell of springtime.

And, you know what?

Stop me if you’ve heard this before…

Life is too short.

Go.

Play.

Breathe in the springtime, stare at the forsythia and cherry blossoms until you just can’t look any more, feel the tender spring grass in between your toes. Go for late afternoon walks, let your inner child out to play and spend an evening swinging on a swing set under the stars; do something to dust off your soul.

It’s spring, and you’re worth it.

I’ll see you out there!

(This post brought to you by serious spring-related procrastination and an overpowering desire to take my own advice, leaving behind the mountain of work that awaits!)

Unplugged (or: getting away from it all)

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unplugged_640“Somebody stop the world. I want to get off!”

How many times have you or someone you know uttered those words, even in jest?

In this constantly-connected, on-the-go world we live in, sometimes it’s all we can do to just keep up.

If you’re a small business owner, a freelancer just starting out, someone who lives from project to project, you never quite know where your next paycheck is going to come from. Therefore, you always hesitate to say “no” to just one more thing.

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about calling “uncle” – finding the place where you draw your line in the sand. Today, I want to take that idea one step forward, to when you find yourself needing to hit the “pause” button.

I have been in an ongoing twitter conversation with Matt over at The Outage about human nature and the need to “disconnect” from this technologically bustling world – the need to find our real selves in the wilderness – the need to reconnect to our roots.

He and I stand on two different sides of this issue. Note that I use the word “different”, and not the word “opposite”. I whole-heartedly agree that we need to take time to stand with our faces in the sun, away from the noise and chaos of the modern world. Where our opinions differ is that I don’t want to live in that world 100 percent of the time.

While I do occasionally need to get away, I thrive in that connected world. I love the adrenaline-fueled “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” push of the final days of a big project or campaign – there’s no feeling quite like it.

I’ll admit, though – sometimes it gets overwhelming. I am smack in the middle of a month that just won’t stop – in fact, I’m fairly certain that I’m in go-mode until at least the end of April. I just got back from a 4 day weekend in DC, and I’m gearing back up for another week full of projects and meetings and exciting opportunity.

So how do I get away? How do I find the peace and silence that Matt describes?

Well, for the time being, I find it in small doses.

I find peace on the yoga mat. I find stillness in the quiet morning air while I walk my dog. I find it in that first quiet moment when I lay down to sleep, as my body sinks into the mattress and my whole body sighs.

And, sometimes when the outer world gets too noisy, I slip away to the mountains; my parents live in rural Virginia, on a 40 acre farm. I am drawn west and I sit, face to the sun, breathing in the peace of the natural world, and I smile.

Tomorrow, I can begin again.

I would love to hear from you in the comments – where do you fall in this discussion? Are you tied to the chaos, would you rather get away, or are you somewhere in the middle?

Uncle! (or: when enough is too much)

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too-much_640If you’re anything like me, you tend to take on new, cool and exciting projects fairly often.

One at a time, they find their way to your plate. And one by one, you find time in your life for each of them. You move something here, and squish something there.

All of a sudden, you find yourself with your arm twisted behind your back. Sometimes, you just have to admit defeat. Admit that the pain is too much, that if your arm gets twisted any further, it might just pop out of its socket.

(I had a guy as a best friend when I was little, and we used to beat the crap out of each other – fighting until the other cried “uncle!” – “enough!”)

It doesn’t hurt so much right at this moment, but then it happens: one more project drops into view, one more thing to try to squeeze into your already packed life, one more thing that’s just so awesome, so right, that you can’t turn it down.

You find yourself stuck, caught at that intersection of “ouch” and “holy-crap-you’re-breaking-my-arm”.

What do you do?

Where do you find the balance between the stuff you want to do and the stuff you have to do?

Do you push through the pain, and take on just one more thing?

Do you clear some of the other, not so perfect projects, say goodbye to them?

And, what if all the perfect projects aren’t paying your rent? Do you settle for paying the rent with crappy work, or do you scrape by on passion projects?

More than anything, it comes down to what’s right for you.

At this moment in your life, what do you want to be doing? What is your hell yes?

And, if for some reason you can’t pay your rent with your hell yes right this moment, how can you point yourself in the right direction?

That’s where I’m sitting today – and if I’m telling the truth, it’s actually where I’ve been sitting since the beginning of this year. I’d be a big, fat liar if I told you I had all the answers, had it all figured out.

Is there anyone who really does have it all figured out? I would like to think that life is all about finding our answers, finding ourselves.

If you need to find me this evening, I’ll be out there in the world, finding my answers.