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How to Stop Judging and Just Be in the Moment

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You know the feeling.

It usually pops up when you’re thinking back on the way some situation went.

Or maybe you’re just sitting still, trying to be in the moment.

For a minute or two, everything is perfect.

You’re breaking down the situation in your head…

Or maybe you’re in the flow, lost in the present moment, enjoying it.

When suddenly…

Judgement rears its ugly head.

Rather than subjectively thinking about your situation, or just being in the moment, your brain starts to judge.

What’s wrong with you. What went wrong in the situation. What could have been even worse. What the other person was probably thinking…

And just like that, your whole outlook has changed.

No more quiet moment. Instead, you’re wound tight, caught up in the negative.

Your brain sends you into a tailspin, and you spend the rest of the day caught up in a constant cycle of what could have been. What should have been.

But what if there was a different way to approach your ego-maniacal judge-y self?

Observe and report

One of the things I’ve been talking about at the beginning of my yoga classes is the idea of observing.

Being in the moment, and trying not to judge. Just allowing whatever is… to be.

Noticing. Here and now.

And maybe, just maybe, allowing yourself to be okay with whatever is going on.

Knowing that things might not be exactly as you had hoped or expected. Feeling that your body is doing something different than it was yesterday or last week. And really seeing if you can be okay with it.

It’s far easier said than done, but I believe that it’s something you can learn to do with a little bit of practice, and a fair amount of patience.

One of the major keys of meditation is allowing your thoughts to occur without engaging, without judging. Just let them happen, and let them float away.

In the same way, you can start to let go of judgement before it settles in and ruins your party.

The mind-body connection

Here’s a couple of examples of how you might start to integrate this practice into your day.

1. During yoga (or apply this to whatever form of exercise you’re loving these days)

It might go something like this:

You’re sitting cross legged at the beginning of class. Sukhasana. “Easy pose, my ass,” you think. Your left hip is all sorts of tight, and your brain scrambles to try to remember if you did something stupid to deserve the discomfort. Then you remember the fight you had with your friend the day before, and you start to rehash it… before you remember you’re supposed to be focusing. “Dammit! Get it together. Everyone else in this class obviously has an easier time with this.” Your hip hurts. You can’t focus for the life of you. Your friendships are falling apart. Nothing is going right… Judge. Judge. Judge.

But what if you tried this instead:

You’re sitting cross legged at the beginning of class. Sukhasana. Easy pose. You notice that your left hip is all sorts of tight, and you send the breath down that direction with a mental message to see about letting go. Maybe it works a little bit. Maybe it doesn’t. But you’re aware of the discomfort, and you do your best to be okay with it. If you find thoughts intruding, you acknowledge that they’re making an appearance. You bring your awareness back to the breath. Inhale. Exhale. Maybe even smile. Your body talks, your mind starts to wander. Back to the breath. Inhale. Exhale. Again and again.

2. On your way to a (potentially stressful) meeting

You might experience this:

You’re ten minutes away from the coffee shop where you’re having the meeting. In reality, you’ve been going over the conversation in your head for hours. You imagine what you’ll say, and your brain goes wild with all the possible ways that the conversation could go wrong. You imagine the person you’re meeting with getting angry, and your heated response. You stockpile the comebacks just in case you need them. You notice that your stomach is in knots and you’re unconsciously clenching your fists and your teeth. You let out an exasperated sigh. Why do you always get so carried away? When you arrive at the coffee shop, you’re already stressed and ready for a fight.

But what if your experience could be something like this instead:

You’re ten minutes away from the coffee shop, and you’re taking your time getting there. You notice that the sky is a beautiful shade of blue, with tiny wisps of clouds here and there. It’s a warm day, and there’s a slight breeze. You allow yourself to think about what drink you’ll order when you get there, but when your mind tries to drift to what the conversation might bring, you take a deep breath and bring your focus to a building that you’re passing. You never noticed it before, even though you cross this street quite often. When you arrive at the coffee shop, you take another deep breath and walk inside. Whatever happens, will happen.

How would this change your experience?

Be in the here and now

Now, the next time Judge-y McJudgerson tries to take over, you know what to do.

When you notice the judgement start, take a few deep breaths to let it go. Even if you’re into the spiral when you catch it, release it.

The more you start to notice, the easier it will get.

And the more you can notice, then think “Hmm… Okay…” and move on, the easier it will get.

So what do you think? Less judging, more allowing yourself to be in the moment (whatever that moment may bring)?

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes!

I’m working on this one with you. Every day. Every breath. Every moment.

On Gratitude, Uber, and the Magic of the Everyday

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It’s surprisingly easy to look at the negative in a situation, especially when the circumstances are stressful or otherwise outside your control.

Take this past weekend, for example.

We were on our way home from visiting family. It was a 90+ degree day, and we had the dogs with us and a cooler full of food in the truck. We stopped for gas about halfway home, and when we got ready to leave the gas station the truck wouldn’t start.

Nothing. No click when we turned the key. Not even a jump start worked.

It was past 5 pm on a Sunday, which meant that most businesses were closed for the day, if they had even been open in the first place. We were stranded in the middle of nowhere, far from home, with two overheating dogs and a cooler full of melting ice.

And there was nothing that we could do to change the situation.

Sounds like the setup for a really crappy evening, right?

The way it really happened

Every piece of information you just read is true.

But that’s not the experience I had.

Yes, it was stressful. And I will admit to sliding briefly through a “woe is me” moment or two as the situation unfolded.

But instead of being overcome by the stress of what was happening I got to witness the beauty of humanity and technology, and perhaps experience a bit of serendipity.

The first person we asked at the gas station was more than happy to take a few minutes and try to give us a jump start. Even though it didn’t work, he was friendly and gracious and wished us luck.

We called our insurance company to get the truck towed home. Score one for roadside assistance.

And as we were considering the prospect of getting two people and two dogs home in the back of a tow truck, I had a brief flash of hope.

Uber: fallibility and the flip side

There’s no lack of controversy when it comes to Uber. From stories of sexual assault, sexism, and misogyny to cutting driver earnings and getting banned from cities around the US, the company isn’t exactly earning public trust or a stellar track record.

But in a situation where your options are few and far between, sometimes even the bad guy can ride in on a white horse.

As you will recall, we weren’t stranded in the middle of an urban center. It wasn’t completely the middle of nowhere, but the chances of me finding an Uber driver in the area were slim to none. As a company, they’re fairly new to Charlottesville and we were at least 30 minutes outside of the city limits.

I opened the app, and saw a driver. Singular. The car was 10 minutes away, driving in the opposite direction.

And I wondered, “what is the pet policy on Uber?” After checking, and seeing that it’s totally up to the driver, I requested a ride and gave her a call.

Telling her the details of our situation and explaining that we also had two 50 pound dogs with us, I told her that I totally understood if she didn’t want to accept the fare.

She told me she would be there in 15 minutes.

I’ll admit that I got a little teary right that moment, filled with gratitude. The dogs and I would make it home. We didn’t have to wait long in the oppressive heat, and our ride wouldn’t be the back of a tow truck.

Our knight in shining armor turned out to be a middle-aged lady from Baltimore driving a Lincoln. She just happened to be in the area visiting her boyfriend, and had decided to take a drive while he was at work.

The kicker: she had turned around to go home for the evening but decided to keep her Uber app open for a few more minutes. Even a short amount of time later, and she wouldn’t have been around to drive us home.

Stop, and reframe the experience

Add to this story of a tow truck driver who waited around with my partner until animal control came to pick up a chihuahua (that he found wandering around while he was waiting for the second tow truck of the day) and you have a set of circumstances that renewed my faith in the inherent goodness of humanity.

The world feels like it’s a wild, scary, and out of control place these days, but we see so much of the ugly that we sometimes forget about the rest of humanity…

The decent, honest, and friendly folks just trying to make their way through the world. The majority you never hear about, who spend their days living quiet lives and sometimes bringing joy to the world with random acts of kindness.

Our neighbors offered to lend vehicles and give us rides while the truck was in the shop. And the neighbor who was taking care of our garden over the long weekend had mowed our yard while we were gone, just because.

Instead of enduring a terrible, stressful experience I ended the day with a heart full of gratitude and a story to tell.

Finding magic in small moments

As I wrap up this post, a note: I realize that I live a life full of very real privilege. Being a well-educated white female, I don’t experience the same prejudice that others face. I don’t know what it’s like to experience life from any perspective but my own.

But I do believe there’s a magic to the everyday, if we just allow it in.

If you had put me in this situation 10 years ago, I’m fairly certain my reaction would not have been the same.

I’ve been practicing yoga for about six years now, and meditating regularly for the past two and a half. The high strung, type A+ personality is still there, but it’s been tempered by practices that allow me to have space between my thoughts and emotions, my body, and the world.

My morning meditation (a Pilgrim meditation from Britt B Steele, an amazing teacher from Portland) includes this:

There is a knowing that bubbles, rises, and reveals each day, each moment as choice, not chore. This revelation is laced with potential, possibility…”

Sitting down to meditate while I waited for my partner to make it home that evening, I was struck by that line.

Choice. Not chore.

Life is a series of moments, each with the potential to be beautiful or terrible (or if we’re being honest, somewhere in between).

So in those moments where it’s easy to find the negative, can you find the choice hidden in the situation? Can you open yourself to possibility? Can you find the good in the world?

It’s not easy and it’s not something that comes naturally at first, but I believe that our lives – and our world – will be better for it.

Rebel Yogi Roundup: Volume III

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How is it August already?

While the summer has sped by, there has been no shortage of great content. And since the summer months are made for fun and relaxation, this month’s roundup includes some fun and hilarious stories from around the web.

Here’s the best of the best, curated from my reading over the past few weeks.

The Surprising Benefit of Being Bad at Yoga

In this hilarious and poignant post, a yoga overachiever goes from trying too hard to be perfect to feeling comfortable in her own body.

I was struggling so much that all I could focus on was the truly important stuff. And being perfect simply wasn’t important.”

6 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Mindfulness And Meditation

It seems like meditation is all the rage these days. And with more and more scientific data backing up the claims, it’s for a good reason.

We now have the ability to do the one thing that was never possible before—see how these practices change the wiring and the makeup of our brains.”

tension-relaxation

5 Signs it’s Time to Do Less

Marc takes a look at our culture’s tendency to do more, more, more. Contrary to popular belief, more does not necessarily make us happier.

Most of us have a tendency to do as much as we possibly can – cramming every waking minute with events, extravagances, tasks and obligations. We think doing more will get us more satisfaction, success, etc.  When oftentimes the exact opposite is true.”

I Switched to a Standing Desk, So Now You Should, Too

In this hilarious, satirical look at the standing desk craze, Tom lays out the facts he believes about standing… at least until the next WebMD article comes out.

Sitting… looks ridiculous and shameful—like you’re afraid to admit exactly how tall you are—and is terrible for you. The human body simply wasn’t meant to be folded up for long stretches, like a sad pretzel. It was meant to be held ramrod-straight at all times, like a noble pretzel stick.”

whole-world

From the science behind mindfulness to a couple of reminders to do less (and take ourselves less seriously), this month’s roundup was a lot of fun to put together.

Let me know what you think of the series — anything you’d like to see more of, less of— or, if you’ve read anything recently that should go into the next roundup!

Until next month…

3 Easy Practices to Overcome Stress and Anxiety

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Stress.

It’s something we all deal with on a daily basis.

It’s true that a little bit of stress can be a good thing…

But did you realize that being under stress constantly can start to do some pretty terrible things to your body?

Headaches. Fatigue. Problems sleeping. Feeling overwhelmed or angry. Depression…

The good news is that there are ways to minimize the impact that stress has on us.

Even better, there are techniques that are super simple, require no special equipment, and won’t take up a lot of time.

Want to learn more?

Read on for three simple ways to give yourself a mini vacation from everyday stress.

1. Balanced Breathing (Sama Vritti)

This is a simple breathing practice that absolutely anyone can do. Practicing this breathing technique will help calm your nervous system and focus your mind.

How to do it:

Sit comfortably (or lie down for a more relaxing practice). Close your eyes, and bring your awareness to your breath — don’t change anything yet, and just observe the natural pattern of your inhalations and exhalations.

When you are ready to start, inhale to the count of 4, and then exhale to the count of 4. Each inhalation and exhalation should be the same length. Take a few rounds of this even breathing (or more) until you feel your body begin to relax and your mind begin to settle.

You can increase the length of the inhalations and exhalations as you become more comfortable with the practice. Note: if you ever feel dizzy or lightheaded, stop immediately and return your breath to normal.

2. Chin Mudra (Unrestricted Consciousness Gesture)

chin-mudraThe most common hand gesture used in meditation, the Chin Mudra is also wonderful for inviting calmness.

How to do it:

Come into a comfortable seated position. Touch the tip of the thumb to the tip of the index finger, and keep the other fingers unbent and relaxed. Rest the back of your hands on your thighs.

Hold the mudra for at least a few minutes while you sit quietly. Observe the pattern of your breathing — you can pair this with Balanced Breathing to save time.

3. Child’s Pose (Balasana)

An incredibly revitalizing pose, Child’s Pose is perfect for when you simply need a break from the rest of the world. The posture supports you as you move your attention inward, and helps to connect with your body’s innate ability to restore itself.

balasanaHow to do it:

Begin in table position, with your hips stacked above your knees. Draw the big toes together and sink your buttocks back toward your heels — you can keep your knees separated wide, or close together, whichever is most comfortable for you.

Your forehead will rest comfortably on the mat (or floor). Your arms can be outstretched (keep them relaxed), stacked under your forehead, or wrapped around your legs — again, whatever is most comfortable for you.

Hold the pose for at least a few minutes, while imagining bringing the breath into the sides and the back of the lungs. Follow the pattern of your breathing if your mind starts to wander.

Be Less Affected By Stress

Just imagine what your life could be like if you could kick stress to the curb.

More energy. Less pain. Better sleep. Increased motivation. A healthier, more focused you.

It’s as simple as starting to incorporate a few easy stress relieving techniques into your day.

So go ahead — pick one! (Or two, or all three!)

The next time you feel like you’re about to blow your top, stop… and give one of these a try.

Are you already using stress relieving techniques? If so, how’s it going? If not, which of the 3 in this post are you going to try? Let me know in the comments!

How to Use a Digital Detox to Bliss Out Your Summer

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Isn’t summer supposed to be time for vacation, and for slowing down?

These days, it feels more like life starts ramping up in the spring and goes full speed through the summer and fall.

And while long days, warmer weather, and lots of events to attend can make for a great summer… it can also make for one frazzled changemaker.

With so much on your plate, and so much fun stuff to do, how can you keep up your pace and not wear yourself out?

Enter an old idea, with a new twist.

Detox, of the digital kind

You’ve likely heard about detoxing your body — juice cleanses, detox programs and the like.

You personally may not use them or believe that they work, but the general concept is to aid the body in processing excess crap in your body by eating cleanly for a particular period of time.

Well, did you know that taking a break from technology can help your brain to get rid of some of the clutter that gunks up your neural pathways?

By giving yourself a break from screens, you give your mind a chance to settle and process, and to clean up anything it doesn’t need.

This process is Rebel Yogi tested. We implemented a 24-hour tech fast once a week in our house, and even though we haven’t been perfect about keeping up with it, I can really tell the difference the weeks when we do!

A 24-hour technology fast

Here’s an example of how it can work:

Friday evening at 5 pm, all computers in the house shut down. (Not just shut the lid, but powered down and unplugged.)

The internet and wifi get powered down.

The home entertainment system gets unplugged. No television, no radio.

Phones become just that — a phone. No internet browsing, no apps. (You may decide to make an exception for text messages.)

You may also want to decide if a reading device like a Kindle counts. I’ve gone back and forth about my Paperwhite, since it’s technically supposed to mimic paper, but most weekends I skip and just pull out a good old fashioned book.

Then… enjoy your weekend! Saturday evening, you can power everything back on and get back to life as usual. (Or, you can even wait until Sunday morning if the calm and silence is too good to give up.)

But what the heck am I supposed to do?!

You may be twitching a little bit just thinking about going without internet or any of your devices for a whole 24 hours.

The first couple of times you try this, you’ll likely find yourself reaching for your phone out of habit, or wishing that you could Google something…

But with a little bit of preparation, your digital vacation can be super refreshing (and productive)!

Every Friday at 4 pm, I make a pen-and-paper checklist of all the things I need to do that don’t involve technology or screens. My list is usually longer than I can get through in one 24 hour period.

Meals become an opportunity to have a conversation. This time is also useful for catching up on your reading list (books, no screens) and being creative — I’ve had a lot of fun with breaking out my coloring books and colored pencils, but you should do whatever feels like it would be fun for you.

And, maybe that’s just hanging out in your hammock, taking a nap, or going out to hang out with friends.

Relax your brain, refresh your summer

Whatever you decide to do, keep it (mostly) fun.

My experience is that Saturdays feel SO long. Rather than time disappearing in the internet vortex, you get to experience every moment fully.

Distractions (at least of the digital variety) go by the wayside.

And your summer gets that much more fun — and relaxing.

So take a look at your calendar and see if you can block off 24 hours this week to give your brain a break.

If you give it a try, let me know how it goes. Here’s to your blissful summer of 2016!

The Power of Choosing Love

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Confession: I struggled with this post.

Whether to write it. How to write it. What to write.

It’s tough out there. We live in this beautiful, amazing, vibrant world, that’s sometimes full of grief, sorrow, rage, and unspeakable tragedy.

And when tragedy strikes, in whatever form, sometimes it’s hard to know how to respond.

Sometimes it’s hard to find any words that can even begin to express the depth of what’s in our hearts.

The media fans the flames by focusing attention on the biggest, baddest, boldest — there’s something to be said about the power we give something negative when we focus so much of our energy on it.

I’m not saying that we should bury our heads in the sand, or that it’s wrong to feel whatever emotions we happen to be dealing with.

So during weeks (months, years) like this, I choose to fully feel the sadness in my heart, in my gut…

But I also choose love.

Love, for the amazing diversity of life in our universe.

Love, for our global human family.

Love. Full stop.

I end every yoga class that I teach with this, from the Integral Yoga tradition:

May the entire universe be filled with peace, and joy. Love, and light.”

Just, love.