Resourcing the Revolution

Transforming Humanity

Why You Suck at Setting Priorities (and How to Fix It)

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There’s always something standing in the way of what you want to accomplish.

For most of us, it’s an excuse:

“I don’t have enough time!”

Or…

“I have too many things on my to do list. I can’t possibly add anything else.”

Does any of this sound familiar?

If so, keep reading.

Why you’re always unbalanced

I’ve spent the past few years examining what it takes to live a balanced life.

Sometimes I feel like I almost get there.

But often, something knocks me back off track and I feel like I have to start all over again.

And while things like getting the right kind of exercise, improving your sleep, eating well, taking time for mindfulness, and surrounding yourself with a supportive community are all equally important to creating balance in your life, there’s one aspect at the root of everything else:

Setting priorities.

And I don’t mean just making a huge list of all the things you have to do and then randomly assigning them a spot in your schedule (or on your already overloaded to do list).

If you’re like most people, you aren’t sure how to figure out what’s really important.

When you look at trying to cut down your task list, it’s often so overwhelming that you just want to give up.

There’s got to be a better way!

I’ve been a little MIA on the blog this month, but there’s a good reason why.

I’ve been busy behind the scenes working on a fix to this priorities issue.

It’s a short, 2-week email course that will help you if you struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out), entrepreneurial ADD, and general overwhelm. It’s designed to help you set clear priorities and eliminate any busywork that’s holding you back.

Rather than another tired productivity “hack” designed to help you find more time (can you hear my eyes rolling?), it will allow you to focus on the things that really matter — the priorities that will move your world changing work forward.

Set yourself up for success

The course material is being tested by an awesome group of beta testers over the next few weeks, and will be ready for prime time by the beginning of 2017.

Until then, take a good hard look at your to do list and your priorities, and see if they’re working for you.

If not, don’t lose hope. A solution is on the way.

I’ll let you know when it’s ready!

Do you have trouble setting priorities? Does your to do list feel like it might crush you under its weight? Let me know what you’ve been struggling with in the comments!

Overcome The Violence of Overwork and Modern Life

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Think that overwork and burnout is a new phenomenon? Something that only came about with the dawn of personal computing and an ever-quickening pace of life?

Turns out, not so much.

Back in 1966 Thomas Merton wrote the following, in Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander:

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence to which the idealist most easily succumbs: activism and overwork.

The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence.

The frenzy of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”

My guess is that if you look hard enough, you’ll find examples of humans pushing the edges of our physical and mental capabilities from the earliest days of our existence.

What changed since those early days of human overachieving?

Looking at Merton’s quote, the word that stands out is “modern”.

We have reached a point in human evolution where the tools we’ve created allow us to do more, better, faster… but we as a society haven’t learned where our boundaries are. We haven’t caught up to our technology.

We’ve reached a place where we can actually choose to do less — without fear of death or physical harm. But yet a psychological need to stay ahead of the curve – to not become irrelevant – has caused us to fear that choice.

Some questions to ponder:

What if it was time to let go of your need to do more, more, more?

What if you could focus, pick the things that are truly important, and let the rest go?

What if, instead of burning the candle at both ends and rushing your life away, you could slow down and actually (oh, I don’t know) enjoy the ride?

Tame your to-do list

Here’s my challenge for you this week: take a look at the crazy list of things you have on your to-do list, and get rid of at least one of them. Not in a “kick the can down the road” way, but in a “let it go forever” way.

I know there’s something on that list you’ve been dreading or putting off forever. Let it go. Done. No more guilt hanging over your head because you haven’t done it yet, or you feel like you should.

Now take a deep breath, and see how you feel. Lighter? Less guilty?

Good.

Let’s start to take back this one precious life we’ve been given, and dedicate it to things that bring us joy.

No more guilt-ridden to do lists. No more causing yourself violence by committing yourself to too many projects.

Simplify. Find the things that bring you energy and enjoyment.

As Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

The Myth of “Happy” and How Your Words Define You

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Happy.

Sad.

What do those words mean to you?

Do you have a particular definition you attach to them? And do you know where – or when – you learned to define them that way?

The first time I read this Oatmeal comic about being happy, I had quite a few feels.

(If you haven’t seen the comic, go take a look. It’s beautifully done.)

I felt resistance around the idea. It grated — how can a human claim to never be happy? Isn’t that one of the built-in experiences that comes along with these bodies and minds?

The way Matthew sees it, there is no middle ground. You’re either happy or unhappy.

Happiness is a permanent state. Once achieved, “you get to sit atop your giant pile of happy forever.”

I think part of why I had a hard time with his explanation is because I see a looser definition of the word — I see an entire spectrum of emotion where happy and unhappy are just points along the graph.

And maybe that’s what he’s actually getting at.

Matthew says that the definition of happy doesn’t work. “It’s a monochromatic word used to describe a rich, painful spectrum of human feeling.”

What I do agree with is this: the way we use and define words has a massive influence on us.

Language is a gray area

Even with all its complexity, human language is often not cut out for describing things that you feel or experience on more than a physical level.

And yet we so often get caught up in the idea that we have to strive to be “happy” or “content”.

I have a hard time with certain words.

“Content” is one of them. To me, the word indicates settling, allowing ourselves – or pretending – to be okay with a situation that is less than ideal.

“Busy” is another. I cannot stand this word, and what it has come to mean. It’s an indicator that our lives are full of stuff we’d rather not be doing, or that other people are making us do. That there’s no time for the important things. That time is slipping away, out of our control.

How can you be more cognizant of the words that you use, and the story that those words are telling about your life?

How yoga can help

Yoga and meditation both help you ride the waves of life.

You don’t struggle to avoid the lows.

And you don’t scratch and claw and bite to stay up in the highs.

Instead, you do your best to go with the flow. To shake off the bad times, and to enjoy the good ones while they’re here.

You allow yourself to be totally in the moment, experiencing every bit of the emotional spectrum — but not allowing yourself to become attached to or defined by those emotions.

Unraveling the human experience

So maybe Matthew is right.

Maybe we should all do things that are meaningful, even if they don’t make us happy.

Because isn’t that what this whole human experience is about?

Experiencing it?

You experience life from within the lens of your life.

And I have a different experience because my internal landscape and life story are different.

And that’s a beautiful thing.

How can you be more present to the experiences that life brings your way? And do you have words that you feel are limiting by their very definition? Let me know in the comments!

How to Stop Judging and Just Be in the Moment

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You know the feeling.

It usually pops up when you’re thinking back on the way some situation went.

Or maybe you’re just sitting still, trying to be in the moment.

For a minute or two, everything is perfect.

You’re breaking down the situation in your head…

Or maybe you’re in the flow, lost in the present moment, enjoying it.

When suddenly…

Judgement rears its ugly head.

Rather than subjectively thinking about your situation, or just being in the moment, your brain starts to judge.

What’s wrong with you. What went wrong in the situation. What could have been even worse. What the other person was probably thinking…

And just like that, your whole outlook has changed.

No more quiet moment. Instead, you’re wound tight, caught up in the negative.

Your brain sends you into a tailspin, and you spend the rest of the day caught up in a constant cycle of what could have been. What should have been.

But what if there was a different way to approach your ego-maniacal judge-y self?

Observe and report

One of the things I’ve been talking about at the beginning of my yoga classes is the idea of observing.

Being in the moment, and trying not to judge. Just allowing whatever is… to be.

Noticing. Here and now.

And maybe, just maybe, allowing yourself to be okay with whatever is going on.

Knowing that things might not be exactly as you had hoped or expected. Feeling that your body is doing something different than it was yesterday or last week. And really seeing if you can be okay with it.

It’s far easier said than done, but I believe that it’s something you can learn to do with a little bit of practice, and a fair amount of patience.

One of the major keys of meditation is allowing your thoughts to occur without engaging, without judging. Just let them happen, and let them float away.

In the same way, you can start to let go of judgement before it settles in and ruins your party.

The mind-body connection

Here’s a couple of examples of how you might start to integrate this practice into your day.

1. During yoga (or apply this to whatever form of exercise you’re loving these days)

It might go something like this:

You’re sitting cross legged at the beginning of class. Sukhasana. “Easy pose, my ass,” you think. Your left hip is all sorts of tight, and your brain scrambles to try to remember if you did something stupid to deserve the discomfort. Then you remember the fight you had with your friend the day before, and you start to rehash it… before you remember you’re supposed to be focusing. “Dammit! Get it together. Everyone else in this class obviously has an easier time with this.” Your hip hurts. You can’t focus for the life of you. Your friendships are falling apart. Nothing is going right… Judge. Judge. Judge.

But what if you tried this instead:

You’re sitting cross legged at the beginning of class. Sukhasana. Easy pose. You notice that your left hip is all sorts of tight, and you send the breath down that direction with a mental message to see about letting go. Maybe it works a little bit. Maybe it doesn’t. But you’re aware of the discomfort, and you do your best to be okay with it. If you find thoughts intruding, you acknowledge that they’re making an appearance. You bring your awareness back to the breath. Inhale. Exhale. Maybe even smile. Your body talks, your mind starts to wander. Back to the breath. Inhale. Exhale. Again and again.

2. On your way to a (potentially stressful) meeting

You might experience this:

You’re ten minutes away from the coffee shop where you’re having the meeting. In reality, you’ve been going over the conversation in your head for hours. You imagine what you’ll say, and your brain goes wild with all the possible ways that the conversation could go wrong. You imagine the person you’re meeting with getting angry, and your heated response. You stockpile the comebacks just in case you need them. You notice that your stomach is in knots and you’re unconsciously clenching your fists and your teeth. You let out an exasperated sigh. Why do you always get so carried away? When you arrive at the coffee shop, you’re already stressed and ready for a fight.

But what if your experience could be something like this instead:

You’re ten minutes away from the coffee shop, and you’re taking your time getting there. You notice that the sky is a beautiful shade of blue, with tiny wisps of clouds here and there. It’s a warm day, and there’s a slight breeze. You allow yourself to think about what drink you’ll order when you get there, but when your mind tries to drift to what the conversation might bring, you take a deep breath and bring your focus to a building that you’re passing. You never noticed it before, even though you cross this street quite often. When you arrive at the coffee shop, you take another deep breath and walk inside. Whatever happens, will happen.

How would this change your experience?

Be in the here and now

Now, the next time Judge-y McJudgerson tries to take over, you know what to do.

When you notice the judgement start, take a few deep breaths to let it go. Even if you’re into the spiral when you catch it, release it.

The more you start to notice, the easier it will get.

And the more you can notice, then think “Hmm… Okay…” and move on, the easier it will get.

So what do you think? Less judging, more allowing yourself to be in the moment (whatever that moment may bring)?

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes!

I’m working on this one with you. Every day. Every breath. Every moment.

On Gratitude, Uber, and the Magic of the Everyday

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It’s surprisingly easy to look at the negative in a situation, especially when the circumstances are stressful or otherwise outside your control.

Take this past weekend, for example.

We were on our way home from visiting family. It was a 90+ degree day, and we had the dogs with us and a cooler full of food in the truck. We stopped for gas about halfway home, and when we got ready to leave the gas station the truck wouldn’t start.

Nothing. No click when we turned the key. Not even a jump start worked.

It was past 5 pm on a Sunday, which meant that most businesses were closed for the day, if they had even been open in the first place. We were stranded in the middle of nowhere, far from home, with two overheating dogs and a cooler full of melting ice.

And there was nothing that we could do to change the situation.

Sounds like the setup for a really crappy evening, right?

The way it really happened

Every piece of information you just read is true.

But that’s not the experience I had.

Yes, it was stressful. And I will admit to sliding briefly through a “woe is me” moment or two as the situation unfolded.

But instead of being overcome by the stress of what was happening I got to witness the beauty of humanity and technology, and perhaps experience a bit of serendipity.

The first person we asked at the gas station was more than happy to take a few minutes and try to give us a jump start. Even though it didn’t work, he was friendly and gracious and wished us luck.

We called our insurance company to get the truck towed home. Score one for roadside assistance.

And as we were considering the prospect of getting two people and two dogs home in the back of a tow truck, I had a brief flash of hope.

Uber: fallibility and the flip side

There’s no lack of controversy when it comes to Uber. From stories of sexual assault, sexism, and misogyny to cutting driver earnings and getting banned from cities around the US, the company isn’t exactly earning public trust or a stellar track record.

But in a situation where your options are few and far between, sometimes even the bad guy can ride in on a white horse.

As you will recall, we weren’t stranded in the middle of an urban center. It wasn’t completely the middle of nowhere, but the chances of me finding an Uber driver in the area were slim to none. As a company, they’re fairly new to Charlottesville and we were at least 30 minutes outside of the city limits.

I opened the app, and saw a driver. Singular. The car was 10 minutes away, driving in the opposite direction.

And I wondered, “what is the pet policy on Uber?” After checking, and seeing that it’s totally up to the driver, I requested a ride and gave her a call.

Telling her the details of our situation and explaining that we also had two 50 pound dogs with us, I told her that I totally understood if she didn’t want to accept the fare.

She told me she would be there in 15 minutes.

I’ll admit that I got a little teary right that moment, filled with gratitude. The dogs and I would make it home. We didn’t have to wait long in the oppressive heat, and our ride wouldn’t be the back of a tow truck.

Our knight in shining armor turned out to be a middle-aged lady from Baltimore driving a Lincoln. She just happened to be in the area visiting her boyfriend, and had decided to take a drive while he was at work.

The kicker: she had turned around to go home for the evening but decided to keep her Uber app open for a few more minutes. Even a short amount of time later, and she wouldn’t have been around to drive us home.

Stop, and reframe the experience

Add to this story of a tow truck driver who waited around with my partner until animal control came to pick up a chihuahua (that he found wandering around while he was waiting for the second tow truck of the day) and you have a set of circumstances that renewed my faith in the inherent goodness of humanity.

The world feels like it’s a wild, scary, and out of control place these days, but we see so much of the ugly that we sometimes forget about the rest of humanity…

The decent, honest, and friendly folks just trying to make their way through the world. The majority you never hear about, who spend their days living quiet lives and sometimes bringing joy to the world with random acts of kindness.

Our neighbors offered to lend vehicles and give us rides while the truck was in the shop. And the neighbor who was taking care of our garden over the long weekend had mowed our yard while we were gone, just because.

Instead of enduring a terrible, stressful experience I ended the day with a heart full of gratitude and a story to tell.

Finding magic in small moments

As I wrap up this post, a note: I realize that I live a life full of very real privilege. Being a well-educated white female, I don’t experience the same prejudice that others face. I don’t know what it’s like to experience life from any perspective but my own.

But I do believe there’s a magic to the everyday, if we just allow it in.

If you had put me in this situation 10 years ago, I’m fairly certain my reaction would not have been the same.

I’ve been practicing yoga for about six years now, and meditating regularly for the past two and a half. The high strung, type A+ personality is still there, but it’s been tempered by practices that allow me to have space between my thoughts and emotions, my body, and the world.

My morning meditation (a Pilgrim meditation from Britt B Steele, an amazing teacher from Portland) includes this:

There is a knowing that bubbles, rises, and reveals each day, each moment as choice, not chore. This revelation is laced with potential, possibility…”

Sitting down to meditate while I waited for my partner to make it home that evening, I was struck by that line.

Choice. Not chore.

Life is a series of moments, each with the potential to be beautiful or terrible (or if we’re being honest, somewhere in between).

So in those moments where it’s easy to find the negative, can you find the choice hidden in the situation? Can you open yourself to possibility? Can you find the good in the world?

It’s not easy and it’s not something that comes naturally at first, but I believe that our lives – and our world – will be better for it.

3 Easy Practices to Overcome Stress and Anxiety

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Stress.

It’s something we all deal with on a daily basis.

It’s true that a little bit of stress can be a good thing…

But did you realize that being under stress constantly can start to do some pretty terrible things to your body?

Headaches. Fatigue. Problems sleeping. Feeling overwhelmed or angry. Depression…

The good news is that there are ways to minimize the impact that stress has on us.

Even better, there are techniques that are super simple, require no special equipment, and won’t take up a lot of time.

Want to learn more?

Read on for three simple ways to give yourself a mini vacation from everyday stress.

1. Balanced Breathing (Sama Vritti)

This is a simple breathing practice that absolutely anyone can do. Practicing this breathing technique will help calm your nervous system and focus your mind.

How to do it:

Sit comfortably (or lie down for a more relaxing practice). Close your eyes, and bring your awareness to your breath — don’t change anything yet, and just observe the natural pattern of your inhalations and exhalations.

When you are ready to start, inhale to the count of 4, and then exhale to the count of 4. Each inhalation and exhalation should be the same length. Take a few rounds of this even breathing (or more) until you feel your body begin to relax and your mind begin to settle.

You can increase the length of the inhalations and exhalations as you become more comfortable with the practice. Note: if you ever feel dizzy or lightheaded, stop immediately and return your breath to normal.

2. Chin Mudra (Unrestricted Consciousness Gesture)

chin-mudraThe most common hand gesture used in meditation, the Chin Mudra is also wonderful for inviting calmness.

How to do it:

Come into a comfortable seated position. Touch the tip of the thumb to the tip of the index finger, and keep the other fingers unbent and relaxed. Rest the back of your hands on your thighs.

Hold the mudra for at least a few minutes while you sit quietly. Observe the pattern of your breathing — you can pair this with Balanced Breathing to save time.

3. Child’s Pose (Balasana)

An incredibly revitalizing pose, Child’s Pose is perfect for when you simply need a break from the rest of the world. The posture supports you as you move your attention inward, and helps to connect with your body’s innate ability to restore itself.

balasanaHow to do it:

Begin in table position, with your hips stacked above your knees. Draw the big toes together and sink your buttocks back toward your heels — you can keep your knees separated wide, or close together, whichever is most comfortable for you.

Your forehead will rest comfortably on the mat (or floor). Your arms can be outstretched (keep them relaxed), stacked under your forehead, or wrapped around your legs — again, whatever is most comfortable for you.

Hold the pose for at least a few minutes, while imagining bringing the breath into the sides and the back of the lungs. Follow the pattern of your breathing if your mind starts to wander.

Be Less Affected By Stress

Just imagine what your life could be like if you could kick stress to the curb.

More energy. Less pain. Better sleep. Increased motivation. A healthier, more focused you.

It’s as simple as starting to incorporate a few easy stress relieving techniques into your day.

So go ahead — pick one! (Or two, or all three!)

The next time you feel like you’re about to blow your top, stop… and give one of these a try.

Are you already using stress relieving techniques? If so, how’s it going? If not, which of the 3 in this post are you going to try? Let me know in the comments!