Resourcing the Revolution

self care

The Rebel Yogi Origin Story – Part 2

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This post has been a while in the making. It’s not a particularly difficult subject, but it falls into the “really damn important” category, and that has caused my perfectionist meter to spike. Now, sitting in the Portland airport, with just over an hour until my flight leaves, and just over one day until my journey at the Ashram begins, it’s time to “git ‘er done”.

Much of the past ten years has involved a personal evolution of sorts; I grew up surrounded by nature and was raised with a consciousness of the importance of protecting our little blue marble, but had never really been invested in the process. It wasn’t until the past five years or so that I started taking an active part in this process. It started small, with community organizing for a group called 350, taking part in the planning process for a few days of climate action.

Then, in August of 2011, I laid it all on the line. Literally. (If you’re being picky, I was sitting, not laying… but I digress.) I heard the call from some of the nation’s top scientists, and I headed up to DC to participate in a massive two week long civil disobedience. Those of you who know me well probably know the story, but here it is again for the uninitiated:

On August 20, 2011, I was arrested for civil disobedience, and proceeded to spend the next 3 days in jail. That linked post goes into the details, so I won’t talk too much more about it here.

That summer was a life changer. I went from armchair activist, signing e-petitions and not much else, to full out environmental activist. I was entrenched in the fight, had skin in the game, and was ready to take on the world. I had received the call loud and clear, and I knew that one of the reasons that I had been put on this earth was to save it.

Fast forward a few years, add in more rallies and actions (but no more arrests), a selection to a national leadership team for a climate organization and a national leader training for another, an Executive Director position for an environmental nonprofit, and plenty of stress around the immediacy of the things we were fighting for. Time was slipping away, and we just kept throwing ourselves harder and deeper into the fray.

By the time I moved out to Portland last year, I was ready for a change. It wasn’t that I didn’t care anymore; I was just tired. I had been toeing the line of burnout off and on for a while, and the move across the country provided me with the opportunity to regroup and decide exactly where my priorities would lie moving forward.

So, you know how when you’ve been pushing yourself for a long time and you finally take the time to stop – and your body relaxes, only to get plowed by the pent-up stress that has been following one step behind you? Yeah. That happened. If you haven’t read the first post in this series, a lot of what happened gets explained there.

It was a wakeup call, a priority revealer, whatever you want to call it. I couldn’t keep doing things the way that I had been doing them, or I was going to burn myself out to the point of no return. I’ve watched it happen to colleagues, and it’s not pretty.

Don’t get me wrong: I still have that burning desire to save the world. I just know now that I can’t go about it the way that I was. In fact, I think there’s a better way for all of us to approach our world changing work. It took a giant slap in the face from the universe for me to see it, but it’s getting clearer with every passing day.

That’s what Rebel Yogi means to me: the opportunity to have massive, world changing impact while remaining whole and balanced. Just imagine it – a world where making a difference can also mean a better life for those creating the change.

Let that sink in a minute. Bask in the idea. It’s possible – now it’s time for us to step up to the challenge and start to live it.

My flight starts boarding in 15 minutes, so I’m signing off for now. I’ll be posting weekly from the Ashram, and posting up a few more Changemaker Q&As along the way.

Stick around. It’s going to be an amazing journey!

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Michael Margolis wrote a post recently about origin stories that provided the inspiration for this series of posts. This is part 2. Also: part 1 and part 3.

Confessions of a Wannabe World Changer

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It’s confession time.

First, that post I promised you last week, the second piece of the origin story? It’s coming next week.

But most important, one of the key tenets of Rebel Yogi is this: you, fellow change maker, are just as important as the work that you are doing.

That means it’s important to take time to take care of yourself – getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet at consistent times, getting out and moving your body, taking space for yourself – among other things.

At the time I wrote this post:

  • I had gone to yoga twice in the previous two weeks; two classes in two days, and then nothing for 10 days.
  • I spent an entire day hunched in front of my computer, stressing about getting things done, all knotted up inside, to the point that my stomach hurt from the tension.
  • I sat down one morning to finish up a few details for getting a blog post out, and forgot to eat until it was almost 4 pm.

Some might say that I’m doing a terrible job at doing my own work, practicing what I preach – however you say it, I’ve been negligent to myself. I’ve fallen right back into old patterns without even realizing it.

But, one of the reasons that I’m bringing this to light and sharing with you today, is that this is a journey. I’m giving myself a pass, acknowledging that I’ve stumbled, and knowing that the reminder is good for me. One stumble does not a total failure make. The times that we trip over ourselves just happen – we’re human. The key is forgiveness, and the commitment to pick yourself back up and set yourself back on the right track.

Stumble, fall, get back up. Repeat. The rockiest paths often bring us to the most stunning views.

And, the yoga class that I did after ten days of nothing? It felt so good.

I’m leaving for the Ashram in just under a week and a half, and I have spent way too much time freaking out about how much I have to do before I leave. I’m living in the future, worrying about something that has yet to happen, sending my body all these messages that give it permission to knot up and get out of balance.

Another confession: the phrase “OMG I’m leaving in two and a half weeks” left my lips a solid 25 times during one particular day last week, much to the chagrin of everyone listening.

I think the key is admitting that we’ve stumbled, taking a moment to learn whatever we can from the moment: what set of circumstances set us up for the stumble, how can we avoid the same situation next time, how we can more delicately tread a similar path moving forward, or even just how to recover a with a little bit more grace.

For me, this means acknowledging that launching a new venture is going to be more stressful than my past few months have been, and will involve more time spent actively working.

I’m learning how to be me, and how to move forward, learning new healthy patterns and ways of doing things. It’s not going to be easy, but with a new outlook on how I balance along the path, it’s shaping up to be a much more stunning journey.

For the time I have between now and flying east, I’m making myself a promise – I’m going to move easily through the planning and preparation, scheduling out time for yoga (aiming for 4 classes per week), making sure that I get enough sleep, taking time to eat, and prioritizing snuggles with my puppy.

Because, really – there’s nothing more important than us, no moment more important than now. Our work and our future all branch out from this moment, so we might as well enjoy it while it’s here.

The Rebel Yogi Origin Story – Part 1

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“In the event of an emergency, secure your own mask before assisting others.”

If you’ve ever been on board an airplane, you’ve heard the spiel before. It’s standard to the safety speech, but have you ever really taken the time to think about what they’re talking about, or realized how right they are? If the plane is crashing and the cabin depressurizes, you can’t do a single thing to help your fellow passengers if you’re suffocating from lack of oxygen.

Maybe the example is a bit dramatic, but it paints a very vivid picture. So why do we think that the same thing doesn’t apply in real life? Why, when it comes to our lives, do we think we can ignore the safety speech?

For most of my life, I’ve been an overachiever, an entrepreneurial spirit, and I thought that I could burn the candle at both ends without consequences. Anything that I put my mind to, I accomplished; I held the mantra “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” close to heart. Burning brightly, I threw 110% of myself into my passions, and I fought fiercely for the things that I believed in.

I ignored the safety speech for way too long, and it could have cost me everything.

In fact, I ignored it until the day I got the call from the doctor’s office. That sentence that you don’t really want to hear from anyone, much less your doctor – “we need to see you tomorrow” – when the doctor skips lunch so that they can fit in your appointment. That moment where routine yearly blood work turns up a chronic genetic condition that changes everything.

(A quick side note to my insurance company, if you’re sneaking around reading my blog posts – this doesn’t mean you should jack up my insurance premium. In fact, you should lower it. The diagnosis just means that I’m going to be a lot healthier moving forward than I would have been before I had my full health picture. K, thanks. Now, back to regularly scheduled programming.)

There were a couple of paths that my brain went down after this phone call, full speed with no brakes. The worst-case scenarios, you know the ones… they took over for a while. Then, the second thing that happened is that my priorities became crystal clear. Family, and the fact that my parents were an entire continent away.

My business coach has been using free writing as a tool for me to gain clarity around my purpose, and I’m going to share some of the thoughts that came out of the writing session that took place the week after said doctor’s appointment:

The thought pattern of how to find a peaceful balance – how do I move forward from here? How do I create a meaningful, powerful and revolutionary life in a balanced, peaceful way? How do I save myself as I try to (and still want to) save the world?

I find that I am back to the discomfort surrounding “I don’t know” because now I truly do not know how I am moving forward. I know that the prime directive is self-care and taking care of my family. Beyond that, the great unknown lingers.

In some ways, I experienced a great wave of relief – here was a bright, flashing sign to slow down, to reevaluate. This wasn’t me giving up or chickening out – this was my body, my doctor, saying “stop”.  No more high stress situations, more yoga and meditation. More healthy eating and lots of work on system balancing.

In all my talk of broken systems, it comes down that my body is the broken system that I need to work with first. Do your own work – in the most head-smackingly personal and direct way possible.

Even with the knowledge of what my diagnosis could mean, I have felt strangely calm since last week. Maybe I’m still in shock, or maybe I have a deep realization that freaking out about what is going on will do absolutely nothing positive, and has the potential to cause some real harm.

Whatever the reason, I am thankful for my ability to transcend the mess and put one foot in front of the other. For now, that means following my doctor’s orders, and starting to evaluate what goes and what can stay.

I feel like I already shed so much in coming here to Portland, but perhaps the things that I shed were just skin-deep – maybe now it is time to dig down to the roots and find my spiritual, structural detoxification.

From these roots, Rebel Yogi began to really take shape. For most of my world changing life, I had come at the problems facing our world from the stance of an activist: fighting. I tried to frame it as what we were “fighting for” as opposed to what we were “fighting against” to keep things positive, but it was still fighting.

One of the literal definitions of the word fight means “to oppose action”, another means “to move forward with difficulty”. We’re not exactly setting ourselves up for success if we think about it that way.

So why do we spend so much time mired in the fight, throwing ourselves valiantly into the flames? Faced with the knowledge that I could not continue to approach life in such a way, I was forced to stop and look for a different way of doing things. I had no other choice.

I don’t have all the answers, and that’s what Rebel Yogi is about – walking this path together, figuring it out as we go. I’m sure we’ll stumble and make some mistakes along the way, but if we’re going about things with the right motivation – caring for ourselves and finding that place of balance before reaching out into the world – securing our own masks before assisting others – I know that we can change the world for the better.

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For more of the story, here’s part 2 and part 3!

If you’re here from the Boost Blog Traffic SBO Best Posts of 2014 list, thanks so much for reading! Be sure to sign up for the email list so you can get your free yoga nidra session!

Michael Margolis wrote a post about origin stories that provided the inspiration for this week’s post.