Writing

Intention (or: telling the universe how this thing is going down)

December 13, 2011 by Jessica Leave a Comment

I’ll be the first to admit that there are certain ways of looking at life that seem a bit… well, over the top. I don’t believe that you can pray to a deity for a new car, wish your way to success or otherwise get things without putting in the work.

However, I do believe that the way you approach things, and the way that you set your attitude, can have an amazing impact on the outcome of anything you attempt.

It’s all about your intention.

Think about it: if you walk out the door prepared for it to be a crappy day, chances are that it’s going to be a crappy day.

What if, instead of setting yourself up for failure, you take a deep breath and set your intention for the day before you walk out that door? If you plan for things to go well, you start the day with a positive attitude. I’m not sure how much it will actually change the way that things go, but you’re sure as heck starting out with a much better chance.

I looked around to try to find a quote that I love, but couldn’t find the exact quote or attribution. It goes something like “it’s not about what you have in life, it’s what you think about it that makes the difference.”

It’s kind of like the old adage, when life hands you lemons…

When I was out at WDS earlier this year, we had an amazing session with Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen that was a mini- Mondo Beyondo session. They had us write down our craziest, wildest, biggest dreams – and then put our intent out to the universe.

What was my biggest dream? To save the planet. And, I put that intent out – stated it, loud and clear for the universe to hear.

Since then, I’ve become the chair of the board for an environmental nonprofit, been arrested for environmental civil disobedience, been part of planning some amazing environmental action, and met some amazing people who are trying to do the exact same thing.

Do I think that the universe just magically caused these things to happen? Not so much.

But… I do think that by putting my intention out, I was suddenly more open to the opportunities that would arise, more positive in my thinking, more likely to go ahead and do the things that would lead to starting to reach my goal.

So, what do I want you to do, dear readers?

I want you to stop before the next time you walk out the door. I want you to reset your attitude, throw some intention out to the universe, and then go kick some ass.

Paths (and why it’s time to forge your own)

December 6, 2011 by Jessica Leave a Comment

When I was growing up, I always had this idea ingrained in my head about how my future would play out. It goes something like this:

After graduating from high school, I would go to college.

While I was in college, I would find a guy and fall in love.

After graduating from college, I would get married and start a career.

And after a while, I would have kids and start a family, leaving that career behind. I would maybe have the opportunity to pick the career back up once the kids were grown, but a large portion of my life would be spent as a mother, a wife, a homemaker.

This is the traditional way that American society sets us on our way – the expectation of the American Dream and all that it entails. For women, the expectations are clear: at some point in your life, your biological clock starts ticking, and you give up everything else to have a baby (or many babies).

But what happens if you start traveling down that road, and realize that the traditional path isn’t your path?

I’d love to say that society embraces your choice, and supports your decisions… but I would be a big, fat liar. It’s more like weird looks and puzzled whispering when you walk out of a room; people wonder what’s wrong with you!

Now, I know that our society has made many gains in the past 100 years – the fact that I can vote, and that I own my own business – yeah, that was made possible due to some amazing women standing up against the status quo and demanding more. Equal rights, the suffragette movement – those brave women paved the way so that I can make the choice to live life on my terms, and to those women I am eternally grateful.

(And, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with the traditional path. I have great respect for those people who dedicate their lives to raising the next generation, and who are made incredibly happy by doing so.)

But – that path? It’s not for me. So here I stand today – divorced, owning my own business, and with no intention of having kids.

I have pretty much smacked society and its traditional expectations square across the face.

And you know what? I’m okay with that.

I’m here to tell you that if you want to step outside the traditional way of doing things, do it. Be brave – take that step – live the life that you want to live. You are the only person who can make you happy, who knows what you want out of the life you have been given. Make the most of it. Live YOUR life, follow your authentic path.

My take is that as long as we’re happy, and making a positive difference in this world, then we must be doing something right.

The world would be awfully boring if we all followed the same path.

My invitation to you is this: come color outside the lines with me, decide on your own path – and who knows? By going against the grain, maybe we will look back someday and see a change in the definition of traditional!

A girl can hope, right?

PS. I would love to continue this conversation with anyone who is interested. Feel free to leave me a comment, or get in touch with me via twitter, email, whatever!

Momentum (and why the first step is the hardest)

November 29, 2011 by Jessica Leave a Comment

I’m just going to get this out of the way – say it out loud for the world to hear: I am a procrastinator.

The first step is admitting that you have a problem, right?

One good example: the five blog posts I was supposed to write prior to November, so that I could get through NaNoWriMo without having to worry about writing blog posts on top of my 1667 words per day – yeah, that didn’t so much happen.

Or, the fact that it’s Tuesday and I’m just sitting down to write this post.

I could go on, regaling you with tales of the times that I slipped in just under the wire, but I’ll spare you the gory details. Instead, I want to focus on how I intend to change this, and share another lesson from my mentor.

One of the things that he taught me is that momentum is the key to success.

We can hide behind large to-do lists and complain about all the things that are keeping us from doing what we really want to do…

or, we can stop bitching and take the first step.

Leo Babauta of Zen Habits is one of my favorite bloggers. I met him in Portland this year at the World Domination Summit, and in one of his sessions he talked about habits – how by doing one thing for even just a few minutes a day, repeated every day, you can easily build or break them.

So often we sit down and look at the project that we just agreed to, or the fun thing that we want to accomplish, and we get overwhelmed. As we look at the big picture or at the desired end result, we can’t figure out how in the world we’re going to get there.

Here’s where it all goes downhill: if you’re like me, you put the project down and tell yourself that you’ll pick it back up later when you’re feeling more motivated. And then it’s tomorrow and life gets in the way. And then it’s next week. And then you have a deadline bearing down on you; you leap into action and run yourself ragged as you sprint for the finish. Or, worse yet, you give up on the project altogether.

Ah, procrastination.

Here’s how I propose we fix this:

Stop. Take a deep breath. Look at the project ahead of you. Pick one step that you can take right now (it doesn’t even have to be the first step – start somewhere in the middle if that’s what motivates you to get started), and do it. Right now.

Tomorrow, take another step. Repeat.

Before long, with each small step that you take in the right direction, you will be gaining momentum. If you stumble in the middle, get back up and keep going. Hold on to that momentum, and let it push you toward completing that project.

And maybe, just maybe, when that deadline starts to loom large and previous versions of you would be pulling out your hair and losing sleep… the new and improved you will be able to sail on through to the finish line without breaking a sweat.

Who’s with me? I have a whole laundry list of things that I want to accomplish before the end of the year. Let’s take that first step, kick our procrastination habit, and gain some momentum!

Surrounded (or: why not to go it alone)

November 22, 2011 by Jessica Leave a Comment

I decided some time ago to wipe the word “busy” from my vocabulary. It conjures up this vision of days filled to the brim, of doing “things” just to say that we have done them, of a life filled with “should”.

No more!

Part of the motivation behind choosing to live life on my terms was to dig deep down, to uncover the things in life that I am passionate about, and to allow my days to be filled by those things. No “should”. Just “hell yes”.

November has been a crazy month; too many things on my to do list, and not enough time to accomplish them all. Has some “should” gotten into the mix? Yes, but it’s par for the course.

I knew that adding in an absurdly difficult 30 day challenge this month was perhaps going to be too much, but that’s part of the fun of NaNoWriMo – you set a lofty goal, you push like hell, and hopefully at the end you come out a winner.

Rewind to just around one week ago, and I was ready to throw in the towel. NaNo just wasn’t feeling fun anymore, and I considered giving up. I had passed the 20,000 word mark, and something kept me hanging on, kept me pushing forward even though it felt a little bit like pulling teeth. I think it was probably a mixture of guilt and “should”.

And then, this crazy thing happened.

Every year, our local group of Wrimos hosts what is called a “Slump-erparty”. It’s more than just a traditional write-in. It’s one of the greatest motivational tools ever.

Picture the following:

It’s mid-month.

You drag your weary self into Writer House, word count sadly lacking, motivation almost gone.

You sigh (heavily) about your pitiful word count.

You laboriously pull your laptop out and get set up, usually procrastinating as much as possible along the way.

You start writing. Surrounded by these other writers, ordinary people just like you, who are pregnant with their first child, or writing their novel while also working full time and going back to school, or any of the other stories that lurk within the people behind those laptops and notebooks, you pick up where you left off.

Before long the pace of your writing picks up and you start laughing and joking during writing breaks. All of a sudden your novel starts looking less like the tired piece of crap that you came in with, and your characters start to take an interest in their roles. Things start looking up.

Then, out of the blue, you remember why you do this every year. You remember why this is a “hell yes”.

Suddenly, you have just written 10,000 words in two days, you have laughed so hard that you cried because of a late night word game, and you’re *thisclose* to being back on track.

So what happened? What caused this seismic shift in your perception?

It’s about the people.

This could be any situation anywhere, whether for work or fun (or a combination of the two). Life is made or broken by the people you surround yourself with – if you are surrounded by smart, motivated, positive people who are on the same path as you (and maybe even cheering you on) think about the difference it will make.

There is a lot of talk about finding your tribe online, finding the people who really matter, who really care. I think that the concept of tribes is fantastic, and can be applied online and off.

So, my challenge for you during this holiday week is this: think about who you want your tribe to be, and go find them. Surround yourself with people who personify what you want to be, and then go be it.

May your journey be filled with amazing, inspiring traveling companions.

And, Happy Thanksgiving!

Inspiration (and when to listen to that fortune cookie)

November 15, 2011 by Jessica Leave a Comment

Remember how your mom always told you not to play with your food? Well, I’m here to tell you otherwise. Or… at least to tell you that sometimes it has something worth saying. Err… too much of a stretch? Probably, but stick with me!

One of my favorite parts of eating Chinese food (other than the many delicious vegan options on the menu) is the fortune cookie at the end. Not so much the cookie itself (because, eew) but for that tiny strip of paper inside.

There is also a series of inspirational quotes hidden inside each individual wrapper of a certain brand of dark chocolate. The quotes give you something to ponder as you indulge in that little piece of chocolaty heaven.

People find inspiration in many places, in all different shapes and sizes, colors and words and the like. As someone who loves food, I also love that I can find inspiration at the end of a meal.

So tonight, on this cold, grey, rainy autumn night (at least on the east coast), I want to share with you a few bits of inspiration that I have gleaned from my desert:

“Don’t settle for a spark… light a fire instead.”

“Live your dreams.”

“You don’t get in life what you want; you get in life what you are.”

“A great pleasure in life is doing what others say you can’t.”

I have each of these tiny bits of wisdom taped to my monitor, as a reminder of who I am and the choices I have made along the way.

How about you? How and where do you find inspiration?

Giving Thanks (and why it matters most when things look the worst)

November 8, 2011 by Jessica Leave a Comment

thanks_640 I have the feeling that if you’re carefully examining the title of this post, you may get the impression that I jumped the gun on posting it – that I meant to save it for later in the month, around the Thanksgiving holiday. Well, maybe you’re right, but wait until you have finished reading to make your final decision.

Going through a divorce has been one of the most painful and complicated and awful and terrible things I have ever experienced. Add in the stress of running a business, keeping up with a part time job and a nonprofit chair position, and it gets pretty hairy. Just for fun, throw in a totally mad 30 day challenge (see my NaNoWriMo post), and even a normally sane person would tend to get a little twitchy.

That said: today, when everything started to go wrong and all I wanted to do was crawl under my desk and sob uncontrollably… I had a realization. Despite my deep seated fear that my life was coming apart at the seams, never to be repaired, I felt this flutter of happiness.

What was it that made me smile, despite the rage and tears?

While I was walking to the post office, I passed this small, fuzzy dog who was trying to wrap its owner around a street sign. On this beautiful, sunny, 70 degree day in November, that little ball of fuzz made me remember the big black ball of fuzz who was waiting at home for me.

I am thankful for the unconditional love I receive from my fuzzy best friend.

That small reminder caused me to think about all the other things I have to be thankful for:

I am thankful for the love and support that I receive from my family and friends.
I am thankful that I live in a beautiful city where I can go car free.
I am thankful that I live in an age where, as a woman, I can vote (which I did today), have equality, and own my own business.
I am thankful that I have the opportunity to live life on my terms and the passion to carry out that opportunity.
I am thankful to truly be alive, and to be fully present in the moment (even when it sucks).

So, even on the days when you feel like punching a hole through the wall, or assuming the fetal position under your desk, never to reemerge into the sunlight, do me a favor.

Stop. Take a deep breath. And find at least ONE positive thing in your life.

Concentrate on that one thing, and allow yourself to be thankful. Even if that’s all you can do for today, it’s a good place to start. Be thankful for what you do have, and see if that doesn’t give you the energy to to get through until tomorrow. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

So yes, perhaps this post should have waited a few more weeks, but it felt necessary today. I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t wait for a holiday to be thankful for the good things in life; maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think that Hallmark should decide when you thank your mom for being awesome, or tell us that there’s just one day a year to be thankful.

What about you? What are the things you are thankful for, even on the less-than-stellar days? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments or on twitter.